A SemiTrue and Totally Sensible Story Really
by larabrambleofbywater
Summary: Cowritten by BroadwayHope aka Ruby Hardbottle.Random randomness.
1. LotR The Untold Story

**Yay for us! We finally got our act together and posted a fanfic! Actually Ruby posted lots of fanfics, it's me that's the problem...anyway.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings. (When you wish upon a star...)**

**Tada! Here it is! By the way, although we would like you to, don't feel obligated to review this idiocy.**

LORD OF THE RINGS: THE UNTOLD STORY

**By Ruby Hardbottle and Lara Bramble of Bywater**

_Takes place around "A Long-Expected Party" in The Fellowship. Supposedly._

Act I

RUBY AND DROGO CHUBB-BAGGINS: I'm sorry, but you can't go up here until tonight.

BERELICK HARDBOTTLE: Well, why can't we get in?

DROGO C.: The party's not ready yet!

ROSIE-POSIE GAMGEE-TOOK: Ready? Who are you to speak of ready? Where is Mr. Baggins?

DROGO C.: I'm Mr. Baggins's cousin and I'm helping him with the party. (So there!)

TODO SANDYBANKS: Please let me in! I want a girl!

ESMERELDA TOOK-FRUMBLEFOOT: I'll marry you, gladly!

DROGO TOOK-FRUMBLEFOOT: First dibs.

RUBY HARDBOTTLE: I say! Please keep the PDA down! My baby knows what you're thinking!

ALL: Uh-ohs!

_Sunset_

TODO S.: At last! Ladies, here I come! Prrr!

ESMERELDA: Todo, Todo! Meet me out here after the party. I'm sure my husband Drogo will be too inebriated to care! Use protection, Todoooooo!

ROSIE-POSIE: I say!

ooo

DIMPLE BROADBELT: Oh, Bodo, you're so hot!

BODO BROADBELT: I know.

ooo

BUNGO: Well, why wasn't I invited to the party? You all suck.

PRIMULA: We try, you hobo.

TODO BRAMBLE: What?

ooo

RUBY C.: This party is so sexy. Look at all the sixpacks.

DROGO C.: Ruby dear, this way please. _(to Orange-Blossom)_ What was in that mead?

ooo

GANDALF: Pump up the music, y'all punks! Is this Girls Just Wanna Have Fun? This is like, my song!

_All fall silent to give Gandalf funny look._

PODO: _(unaware of silence)_ Oh, Rosie-Posie!

ROSIE-POSIE: Oh, Podo!

ooo

GANDALF: When I say guess, you say, what! Guess,

ALL: What!

GANDALF: Guess,

ALL: WHAT!!!

GANDALF: _(singing) _We're all gonna die if you don't join the hobbit army!!

LARA: I say!

TODO S.: Are there girls in the army?

GANDALF: Prrr!

TODO S.: I'm in! Oh, what are we fighting for? Women?

ALL MEN: _sing A Girl Worth Fighting For from Mulan._

BERELIC HARDBOTTLE: What a song, what a song. Good times.

ooo

GANDALF: So dudettes, er, and dudes, you signing up?

TODO S.: Hell yes!

BUNGO: I refuse! I beleive in peace and equality. Why must you call it a hobbit army? Why? WHY, I ASK YOU!

DROGO T.: Dude, calm down. Can't you see the pretty lights?

ESMERELDA: _(winks at Todo S.)_

LARA: The salvation of the Shire is at hand!! S0S! Salvate the Shire!

ALL: SOS! SOS!

BUNGO: I suppose I must submit to the majority. You suck.

ALL: We try, you hobo.

TODO B.: What?

PRIMULA: At last! My world domination-er, peace-is upon us!

BERELIC F.: Carry on, dear.

RUBY H.: I feel unsafe.

Act IV

GANDALF: What are we gonna do?

ALL: SOS!

GANDALF: Why?

MEN: Girls!

WOMEN: Guys!

GANDALF: Amen.

ooo

TODO S.: Prrrrrr!

INNOCENT YOUNG CHILD: Are you a cat?

ooo

TODO S.: _(to person next to him- Marmadas) _Are you married?

MARMADAS: Yes!

GORBULUS: All yours!

MARMADAS: _(SLAP)_

TODO S.: Never mind.

ooo

TILL: Todo!

TODO S.: Till, old buddy. That dame Orangeblossom married?

TILL: _(looks at his wife) (belatedly) _Yup.

ORANGEBLOSSOM: Till darling, get away from that nasty man!

TODO S.: I tried.

Act V

_FIVE YEARS LATER_

TODO S.: I wants a girl! I wants one!

ESMERELDA: I'm here, darling!

NARRATOR: They kiss to thunderous applause.

ALL: Awwww!

DROGO F.: Damn!

**_THE END_**

**for now.**


	2. Characters

**well, we can't even keep our characters straight, so here's a handy little guide to help you out.**

Lara & Todo Bramble of Bywater

Drogo Frumblefoot & Esmerelda Took

Till Bumbleroot & Orangleblossom Took

Podo Took & Rosie-Posie Gamgee

Ruby Chubb & Drogo Baggins

Primula Burrows & Berelic Forbum

Dimple & Bodo Broadbelt

Marmadas Donderfluff & Gorbulus Brace-Girdle

Mungo Bunts

Bungo Overhill

**and last but not least**

Todo Sandy-Banks


End file.
